Six principles workshops
The six principles are proven to be highly effective in raising children and are central to SKIP's positive parenting approach. Regan Mayo from Plunket Waikato says that the best way to teach the six principles is to use them.
Love and warmth, talking and listening, guidance and understanding, limits and boundaries, consistency and consequences, and a structured and secure world - these six principles are highly effective for parents, but can also be applied in adult life says Regan: "I find myself applying the six principles pretty much all the time now - I can see examples of them everywhere."
For several years Regan has run six principles workshops for parents and parenting trainers. She's discovered that incorporating the principles into the workshops is a perfect way to demonstrate their use. "I create an atmosphere that role-models the six principles, and I underline how and when I use them. So I'll stop during a session and say: ‘You notice how I...' and refer to a principle - perhaps talking and listening or consistency and consequences."
Consistency and consequences are central to the sessions. "People really like to come into an environment that is organised - that shows respect," says Regan. "So I make sure I'm there early to set the room up. That models the relationship."
Regan uses the six principles as a toolbox or roadmap to help parents decide where they want to be. They brainstorm the principles and think about their own childhood experiences. "About how it made them feel," she says. "It makes it real for them.
"They talk about how the six principles work together, rather than in isolation. It's big-picture stuff; about adult relationships, as well as parent-child ones."
She says people often prefer to brainstorm in pairs and that she uses this a lot. "In pairs, parents identify their own areas where they need to adjust."
For example, she demonstrates how love and warmth need to be balanced with a structured and secure world. "I try to explain it like the two wheels of a cart. If they are lopsided, the journey will be bumpy. So authoritarian parents get an understanding of how warmth is important, how that can balance the relationship."
So what has Regan learnt running the workshops? "All parents want the best for their children," she says. "This is a strength-based approach - it's about concentrating on what we do well. And getting people to share their own stories is a very accessible way of learning. Real life stories are what people remember."
