Sharing not telling

Sarah says the comment made her re-think the way she facilitates and presents SKIP seminars, and prompted her to move away from classroom-style presentations.

"I've found that you learn more through discussion between parents rather than parents being told what to do by a teacher or trainer. People feel more involved. They talk about their own frustrations."

Sarah now sees her role as more of a facilitator, encouraging discussion. "Parents feel that they are the experts on their children... which of course they are."

Creating that sharing atmosphere begins right away with basic ground rules: the group agrees that personal stories stay within the group; there is no obligation to share or participate; all participants agree to be punctual; and they will respect each others' values.

Sarah also emphasises that she is on a similar journey with her own young daughter: "I tell them if I have a bad day and how I used the SKIP principles to help me," she says.

From the beginning, parents discuss their own childhood experiences and each decides upon a personal goal they hope to achieve. There is no obligation to share with the group, but Sarah says almost all parents do.

She estimates that about half of her workshop content is now open discussion and parents sharing their experiences, issues and knowledge. "Of course you still need to facilitate. People often want to be guided and they are here to learn."

Sarah is also ready to intervene when parents move off topic or offer advice that contradicts the positive parenting aims of the course. "When things go off topic, I say ‘Thank you for sharing, but I'm aware of the time and we need to continue...'."

Later, she says, it is essential to approach that person to offer further discussion.

The size of the group also makes a huge difference to how much parents share. "I've found that groups of between four to eight people works best," says Sarah. "Participants tend to bond more easily and are more likely to remain in touch afterwards."