Staying calm
It’s hard to stay calm when our minds are on other stressful things. When we feel stressed we can overreact or see children’s behaviour as naughty when they make mistakes. Try and think about what is happening for your child – it is normal for children to have sleeping issues, not feel like eating, ‘act out’ or be very quiet and hide their feelings when they are feeling stressed.
- Notice your breathing – are you holding your breath or gasping? Is your heart speeding up? Are there other signs you are getting angry?
- Walk away from your child, not towards them. Give yourself a moment to get your thoughts together and their behaviour in perspective.
- Count, sing loudly or jump to let your angry energy out.
- Deep breaths take oxygen to your brain to help clarify and calm your thinking.
- Go back to your child and deal with their behaviour calmly. Have age-appropriate consequences, but let them know you still love them even when you don't like their behaviour.
- Talk it all through with someone you trust so you can cope even better next time.
It may help to ask yourself, ‘Is this really worth getting angry about?' ‘Is it what my child's done or is it something else that's stressing me out?'
Some good reasons for staying calm:
- Children don't learn when they are frightened – they are too focused on their fear.
- It keeps your child calm and able to understand what they did and the consequences of it.
- It keeps your relationship with your child feeling safe and warm.
- It models positive behaviour, they see a positive alternative to dealing with anger – this helps with their relationships later in life.
Useful contacts
Plunketline call 0800 933 922
Barnardos call 0800 472 7368
