Jealousy and fighting

Getting ready for a new baby

• Start talking about the baby and the birth several months in advance.
• Answer questions honestly.
• Involve your older children in the preparation. Ask them for their ideas on names and things you need to buy.
• Make major changes before the baby comes. For example moving your older child out of their cot or bedroom.

When the baby is born

• Think about putting the baby in a cot, not your arms when your other children first visit.
• Introduce them – “look, here’s your big brother.”
• Let them hold the baby and take photos.
• Ask them for help when you go home, but don’t force it. They might like washing their doll while you wash the new baby.
• Make sure you spend some time each day with your other children. This could just be sitting and talking or reading a book.
• Ask them what they think the baby should wear.
• If they do get angry and want to hurt the baby, talk about it. Ask them how they feel and tell them its ok to feel jealous, but its not ok to hurt the baby.
• Tell stories about what happened when they were born and when they were little. Look at photos together.

Fighting

All brothers and sisters fight. Some more than others.

Fights usually happen when children are tired, hungry or bored. They might want attention or be angry that someone wants their possessions.

Young children don’t always have the skills to solve problems like this and might lash out. They need help to learn how to work things out with other people.

Some ideas

• If your children are fighting, leave and go to another room to give them space to sort it out. If things settle down, tell them they did well.
• Think about whether they are bored, tired or hungry. Give them something else to do.
• Try giving your children some individual attention so they don’t feel they have to compete. Be even with praise.
• Sort out some toys that are special to each child that they don’t have to share.
• Be creative. For example, if they’re fighting over crayons, suggest they choose three each.
• Don’t try and find out who started it. Ask them how they think the problem can be solved.
• Separate without punishment. For example suggest one plays in one room and the other helps you do something else.
• Don’t compare your children. Try to make each one feel special and unique.
• Instead of asking them to share, say whose turn it is.